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August 5th, 2005 at 6:06pm
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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Fallout boy |
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This last month has had it's ups & downs..
- going to the hospital
- taking meds.// going to a therapist
+ talking things out with my mom
+ going to see my dad
+ gettin' laid by Justin
+ partying in pa
- leaving my friends behind
- missing chad
+ looking at apartments
- quiting my job
+ smokin' a whole lot
- having no money
+ meeting some really good friends
+ my dad supporting my choices
- my mom being a fucking bitch
- my sister being an idiot
- stressing out
+ getting my car fixed
+ talking things out with chad
+ having sex with chad again
- shopping for books =/
- spending all my money..
- job hunting
+ talking to chad about getting back together =]
+ giving up on the medication
+ learning to live my OWN LIFE.
so yeah, it's been an eventful month but hopefully by the end of this month, beginning of sept.. I'll have my own place. Chad, Jack and me =] I can't wait. I'm so ready to get out on my own.. I can't live in my house any longer.. I will literally lose my mind. I just hope everything goes how I'm planning.
♥Megan.
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July 3rd, 2005 at 12:48pm
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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It dies today |
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Just got home from the hospital.
This has been a really big eye-opener.
I'm tired & drained, I promised myself I'll never go back there again.
That place wasn't for me.. It was the worst 2 days of my life.
♥
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June 28th, 2005 at 8:35pm
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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music |
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The Spill Canvas |
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I've had the worst past week.
It hurts to breathe for crying out loud.
I feel like I should just throw my life away.
I don't deserve anything.. I deserve nothing.
I feel like my hearts been ripped apart at the seams and burned.
Kill me now,please thanx
♥
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June 3rd, 2005 at 10:48am
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mood |
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 thirsty |
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music |
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The Spill Canvas |
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Wow.
This has been a crazy weeeekkk.
Spent the last 2 nights wasted !!!
I don't even know what I'm doing awake.
One of my bestfriend tried to fight my exboyfriend lol, that was a site. Thank god Sarah's been there with me through it all.. we've had so much FUN together.
Eh, some other shit isn't going to well.
But atleast the parties are hot =]
kay I'm ouuutttiiieee.
♥ ♥ Meg
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May 27th, 2005 at 10:12am
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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Underoath <3 duh! |
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Like the new layout?? I sure do. =]
Underoath<3 is like my other half !
This weeks been =/ okay I guess. Chad and I just can't get along.. I think it's me though. I'm constantly picking at him, I'm annoyed with everything he does or says.. I'm starting to push everyone away. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I almost wish I could be cold hearted and forget about everyone, then I'd only have to worry about myself, sadly.. I can't do that.
I feel as if my life is completely just out of order.. like I'm spinning around in circles, getting absoluetly no where.
Yesturday at Heather's graduation, one of the girls in student government gave a speech that made me ball my eyes out lol.. I laugh about it now, but it really got to me -- it made me remember how much I enjoyed high school, how I wish I could just graduate all over again. I loved that day <3 I just wish my grandma was alive & there to see me graduate.. my grandfather was to torn & upset to come, but I know she was watching me -- I'm just hoping I made her proud. =]
I want to go away for a weekend, shut my cell phone off -- meet totally new people I've never met, go to places I've never been. I like going into the unknown.. things that I get to familar with just start to annoy me after awhile.
eh, i'm weird. I can't help it.
I've got 3 days off this week,
one of those days is paid =] oh yes.
kay.
i'm done.
♥ Meeeeggggan
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May 22nd, 2005 at 10:08pm
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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Roses are Red |
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This past week has been one I won't forget. Not because it was a good one but only for the pure fact of it being an emotional hell.
Chad and I are over, I just wish I could forget about him. I wish I didn't care. I wish I never gave him everything I did. Four out of SIX months of our relationship he lied to me.. e v e r y minute of e v e r y day. He was STILL with Kristin on && off -- after telling me he didn't want anything to do with her -- then it turned into them just being friends, yeah whatever. Then for the last 2-3 weeks of us being together -- he had another girlfriend named Amanda. I don't know what he was thinking. Of course I found out everything. Every lie, everything he tried to hide for sooo long. All because he was.. "afraid to lose me".. what bullshit. Is it so hard for someone to be honest!?
I must of been crazy to think that I could actually trust another human being.
I found all this out on like tues. maybe it was monday, I'm not sure.. it's really all blurry right now. By thursday I had decided I needed to be atleast friends with him. I couldn't just turn my back on someone I had shared SIX months of my life with, it was impossible. Considering it's my longest relationship ever. I'm to close to his family to even try && just shut him out of my life.
...My whole idea of "friends with benefits" wasn't really suppose to be taken literally by him.. but of course he took it like I was serious && that was really all I wanted from him, when in all reality..anyone who knows me knows that isn't even close to true.
My intentions were to be with him again -- but he had to suffer a consequence before I even thought about being with him again.. I can't be with someone I can't trust. && at this rate I'll never trust him again.
Yesturday Chad and I really got into it. He told he didn't give a shit about me anymore.. Sarah got so fed up with the way he was treating me she flipped out on him. (Just made me realize that Sarah truely is my best friend. When she steps into something all because she doesn't like way I'm being treated && says what is on her mind <33 I love her so much more now !!) He put all our lives in danger yesturday for the SECOND not first, but second time. He actually scared me.. my shoulder still hurts from yesturday. =[ I can't even lay on it && sleep right. It sucks.
He left a note & rose on my car trying to apoligize for everything, while I was at work today. I took it into consideration the things he said but I'm not ready to see him yet, I'm surely not ready to be with him, I'm hardly even ready to talk to him.
I'm hurt. I'm scared. && we're both lost beyond belief.
Works been crazy, I got my promotion & my raise is effective on the 28th that's a [+] I def. need the money. Other then that.. I'm waiting for my monthly friend to visit me, getting kind of worried.
♥ Meg
Love really is fatal.. </3
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May 14th, 2005 at 4:08pm
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mood |
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being hungover sucks.. |
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music |
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Nothing |
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Last night I went to Malcolm & Matt's 3 kegger party.. haha, I told myself Oh.. I'll only have 1 because the cups are huge, then I was like hm, maybe 2.. well 2 soon turned into 4 & well, yeah I was done. It's good to be a light weight. I meet alot of people, don't really remember anyone's name, saw alot of old kids I used to hangout with.. all in all it was a good night. Getting drunk & losing control of all my functions is quite entertaining. There's another party tonight & I'm taking Sarah with me.. now the question is TO DRINK or NOT TO DRINK!? lol.. we'll see.
People are just so much more sexier when you're drunk.. alcohol makes me want to do it ALOT. hahahahah.. wow.
Good times.
Good times.
Can't wait till tonight. I feel like it's going to be a even better one.
The negatives for last night:
- Throwing up
- Calling out of work because I was still wasted this morning
- Not getting any sleep
- Got a little out of hand ;-)
♥ __x Meg
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May 10th, 2005 at 10:30pm
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mood |
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 cynical |
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music |
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SoCo |
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School's over.. I got my grades =/ Not to happy with them.. I don't understand HOW & WHY I got a B in one class, when my test average was a 96.. Just doesn't make sense. The teacher was a dick & hated me.. I was the one with the brains in that class, no one understood really anything -- except me. I finished all my tests first, I had all A's on my test, I'm the one that called the teacher out when he was wrong.. but still I get a B, WTF!
Oh well, school is OVER for the summer.. no use in stressed out about it now. I have a 3.5 GPA & that's all that matters to me right now.. could of had a 3.8 but oh well. By the time college is over, I'm going to have a 4.0 one of these semesters -- that's straight A's for those who don't have any idea what I'm talking about. I might have no social life but hey, I don't have much of one right now anyway.. so what's it matter.
Things with Chad and I are pretty much coming to an end.. I still want to be friends with him because I do love him.. it's just yeah. So many things. He's off probation, I couldn't be any happier for him because I know he is just in shock. He can now go and do as he pleases.. why should I hold him back? Ha.. and what guy thinks he can get away with making me feel like I'm a bad person!? that's a good one but NO.
Work is alright, I just haven't experienced a summer where I had to work all of it =/ Kinda blows. Hopefully I'll get about 2 weeks off in July to go see my dad =] Finally.. I miss him soo freaking much. I miss all my family up there. It's going to be the best 2 weeks of my life, I can already see it.
I'm in a bad mood tonight.
Last night sucked & tonight isn't any better.
I don't know what to do with myself..
I really don't.
I hate being in a shitty mood.
♥
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May 1st, 2005 at 8:36pm
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mood |
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sore |
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music |
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Mae |
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So here's an update.
Mon. & Tues. are my last days for class.
Mon. I had a algebra final & Tues. I have to turn in my final draft for the last essay & take a timed writing, then I'm all done =]
Weds. night after work I leave for beach. I was suppose to be off on Fri. but I think I have to work, I'm not sure. So either way, my mom and I are coming back Friday afternoon from the beach. I'm hoping while I'm there I'll see some kids I haven't in awhile. That'd be nice. So if anyone wants to come out to the beach on Weds/Thurs/or Fri morning let me know, because I'll have a room!
I was suppose to go get my tatoos fixed tomorrow but I don't have the time & I'd like to wait till I get paid on Thurs.. so I'll have to tell Tony to save me a spot next week. Either way I'm going to have to call and make an appt. I already have something planned for mother's day. Buuut by the looks of it I don't think it will be going to well.
My stress level is fixing to go down. All my final papers are done for my classes. I've only got one test to take. I'm predicting my grades to be, 3A's and a B which is good. No classes this summer, I'm going to work & hopefully move out soon.
Chad and I aren't doing so great. I mean I could go on and on about complaints that I have but that'd get me no where. I was talking to my sister about him and she surprisingly opened my eyes to alot of things. I'm getting sufficated, I need my space. I think I've been hurt to much, my feelings are not as intense anymore as they were when we first started seeing each other. I'll always love him, don't get me wrong.. he's been my first for alot of things. First I love you's, first guy I've ever trusted, first guy that I've let in my life period, first guy who has known almost every aspect of me. But yeah.. I don't know what's going to happen with us.
a n y w a y -- Life is grand. Work sucks as always. Although I got interviewed for a promotion, so I'm looking forward to hear back from that. I'd like to take a vacation from work/life/etc.. and go see my dad =[ but I doubt my job will give me that time off. I miss him so much. I miss everyone up there. It sucks. I just wish I had a normal Mon.-Fri. job.
Well, that's my update.
♥__x Meg
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April 22nd, 2005 at 10:03pm
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mood |
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sore |
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music |
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Pepper |
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Hm. Let's see..
Less than 2 weeks of school left =]
Then I have offically completed my first year
of community college, one more year left to get my AS.
Work still sucks but the people I work with make it so much better. There so good to me. Always make me smile.
Chad and I, that's a complete different story. We've been together almost 6 months and the first 2 months were a m a z i n g, we had so much planned.. he had a steady job, was going to school everyday, treated me like I was a princess.. well let's just say ALL of that has gone to hell. Now it's me giving and giving and doing alllll I can for him to get [shit] on. I'm tired of feeling like this, I'm tired of hearing I deserve better, I'm so sick of it.. but I love him, I can't let go. He's taken to much of me.. if I lost him it'd be like losing part of myself. I guess I'll figure it out, but somethings telling me whatever happens it won't be >> easy.. what so ever.
My friends are still the best friends I could ever ask for. I don't get to see some of them as much as I use too & I'm not allowed to go out with them really.. but they're still there for me and do whatever they can to make me happy, as they know I'd do the same for them.
Bought the new static lullaby today -- it's good, kinda mellow but it's good. Also got one of Pepper's cds.. -- good as well.
Nikki and I hung out at Oviedo for a little bit.. I went shopping. Bought 3 new shirts, a purse, some really cute underwear, a new bra, and some curve prefume. When Chad pays me the $125 he owes me I'm sure I'll be going shopping with that.
I'm pretty much satisfied with everything the way it is right now except..
- I wish me & sarah talked more
- I wish I could be a close friend to andrew like I use to be (I'm trying)
- I lost a little weight
- Chad and I would work things out..
but after all that.. I'll be okay.
♥ Meg
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